Why oh why can’t I just love my body the way that it is?
Why does one pound turn into one more pound?
Why can’t I just be content with my body the way it is?
Why is happiness promised if I lose one more pound?
Why do I strive for the outward while killing the inward?
(one of those is more than likley mispelled lol)
This week has been very very up and very very down
One moment I am ready and willing to change the world!!
While the next I am only ready and willing to change my body.
I want to see beyond me and my body!!!!!!
I’d be lieing if I said I had a great week in terms of recovery, BUT I did have many victories!!! Each victory brought a little more of myself back 🙂
I feel like this week has been one of the hardest in awhile though. I feel so lost. I mean where am I? What am I doing here? Why can I choose to starve myself while another has no choice and must starve? That question kills me and haunts me and makes me want to get better as fast as I can so I can be used by God in any way possible to help heal the hurting world.
Its so hard though because all I want is to get better!!!! But my body and my mind fight me. I weighed myself on wednesday to see how I was doing with my intuitive eating & I was surprised to see that I lost a whole nother pound. This only fueled ED more and more but my soul was anything but thrilled.
I feel like I’ve lost another peice of my soul.
I DO NOT AND WILL NOT RELAPSE!!!
This week I WILL:
- NOT COUNT CALORIES!!!!!!
- NOT WEIGH MYSELF OTHER THAN MY ONCE WEEKLY WEIGH IN
- EAT DESSERT ONCE A DAY!!!!!!!!
I am going to get better because I am more than a conqueror through him who loves me! (Jesus of course : ) )
Sorry everyone if this isn’t the most joyful & uplifting post everrr. Hopefully next weeks will be more joyful though as I am going to try my absolute hardest to fight ED!! I AM READY!
Oh and P.S. THANKYOU all so much for your beautiful comments and encouraging words!!!! They helped me sooo much 🙂