Its been quite awhile since my last post……I haven’t been doing too well as of latley and I don’t have a lot to say latley. It seems like as I fall into ED’s clutches, I lose my creativity & my ee-mage-in-a-shun. Which Sucks!! And the logical thing to do is run away from ED and “eat normally” (whatever that means). But that is so hard to do. And I don’t really know how to do it. Also, its such a struggle for me because I have managed to hide this all from my family quite well. But sometimes I wish I didn’t. All I want is their compassion & their love. But I know that all I would get is their mis-understanding & their anger. And I don’t want that or need that. I really need help. But I don’t now where or how to get it.
I don’t even really know how to get better. Because, I mean, I have been eating enough (and counting calories sadly 😦 ) but ED’s voice isn’t going away. It almost feels like its getting stronger. & that scares me. Food scares me. Eating scares me. My full tummy right now scares me. The almost irresistible urge to throw up scares me.
I want to throw up all the contents of my stomache
I want to throw up the loud voice of ED that is echoing in my head.
I guess I just have a lot to work on.
So with that I leave you lovelies for now. Sorry this post is quite the downer, but I just have to be honest with you guys and myself
Best of whishes