Why Hello Loves
I am back. And I officially declare today ANTI-ED DAY. I’ve had a good day! A very good day! I mean, I guess it didn’t start off all that great.
But thats prolly because I chose to give in & listen to ED’s seductive voice….BUT anywho!
Today I had an appointment with my allergist. So I woke up and had a … 😦 restrictive breakfast 😦 And then hopped in the car with my mom and headed for his office. This wasn’t just any other kind of appointment however…this was an unintentional ANTI-ED appointment.
You see, for the past 6 months or so I have been authorized by my allergist to avoid anything containing peanuts. This obviously included peanut butter & this obviously made ED shout for joy. But today, in hand, my mom unknowingly carried a secret weapon with which I was to fight ED off with…PEANUT BUTTER.
The appointment with my allergist was to re-introduce peanut butter back into my life & make sure I didn’t have any allergic reactions or anything. So basically, I went to the doctor today to eat peanut butter. How lame does that sound?
I was forced to eat a couple spoonfulls of peanut butter and then left in silence for a couple of hours to see if anything happened.
So as I sat in in small & dank room in silence with my oblivous mother, I fought the battle of a lifetime within the confines of my mind. And I won.
At first it was reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllalallaly hard. And I wasn’t doing too well.
I feel bad for my mother because I was so snippy and crabby! Well actually ED was snippy and crabby. I on the otherhand was somewhere else as ED possessed my mind.
But as time wore on, I decided to let go and be free.
And it worked.
And I am not allergic to peanut butter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mostly. I mean I still had a sorta hard day. Im not proud to say, but I counted calories today…But tomorow is a new day and I plan to relinguish this control.
Also, one thing that is really helping me latley is ANIMAL COLLECTIVE!
They’re music is so FREEE AND CRAZY AND WILD!!! And it makes me want to be freeeeeeeeeeee! It reminds me that I have a soul and that Im a human and I was made to BE HAPPY AND FREE!
Without further Adieu I present to you,,,,ANIMAL COLLECTIVE! Listen and enjoy!
Im so tired of being confined and constrained to freaking ED. He’s such a killer and a downer. I want to dance and be wild and crazy and have Soul Jamboreeees!
And I will!!
ALSO! I had a MAJOR EPIPHANY last night after my little breakdown!
I was talking to my bfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff who also struggled/struggles with an ED, and we were both real down about life and everything in general.
It occured to me!
I can still be broken and screwed up and struggling, BUT I CAN STILL BE HAPPY!
Happiness is after all what you make of it. Happiness is a choice! This little HUGE realization has allowed me to BE HAPPY admist my struggle.
And I think that makes all the difference.
I hope all of you lovely ladies/gents are doing wonderful!! I appreciate all of your support and feedback SOOOOO MUCH!
May you all love others and yourselves unconditionally always and all ways.