Epiphanies & Peanut Trees

Why Hello Loves

Me and my brother 🙂 ❤

 I am back. And I officially declare today ANTI-ED DAY. I’ve had a good day! A very good day! I mean, I guess it didn’t start off all that great. 

But thats prolly because I chose to give in & listen to ED’s seductive voice….BUT anywho!

Today I had an appointment with my allergist.  So I woke up and had a … 😦 restrictive breakfast 😦 And then hopped in the car with my mom and headed for his office.  This wasn’t just any other kind of appointment however…this was an unintentional ANTI-ED appointment.

  You see, for the past 6 months or so I have been authorized by my allergist to avoid anything containing peanuts.  This obviously included peanut butter & this obviously made ED shout for joy. But today, in hand, my mom unknowingly carried a secret weapon with which I was to fight ED off with…PEANUT BUTTER. 

The appointment with my allergist was to re-introduce peanut butter back into my life & make sure I didn’t have any allergic reactions or anything.  So basically, I went to the doctor today to eat peanut butter. How lame does that sound?

As I sat across from this jar of peanuts/partially hydrogenated soybean oil goodness, I battled the beast within my mind...ED lost. Peanut butter is just to good to dislike!

I was forced to eat a couple spoonfulls of peanut butter and then left in silence for a couple of hours to see if anything happened.

So as I sat in in small & dank room in silence with my oblivous mother, I fought the battle of a lifetime within the confines of my mind.  And I won.

At first it was reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllalallaly hard.  And I wasn’t doing too well.

I feel bad for my mother because I was so snippy and crabby!  Well actually ED was snippy and crabby.  I on the otherhand was somewhere else as ED possessed my mind. 

But as time wore on, I decided to let go and be free.

And it worked.

And I am not allergic to peanut butter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was purchased immediatly after my appointment was finished :)))) This stuff is just too good to listen to ED and "not like it" I LOVE IT!

Mostly. I mean I still had a sorta hard day.  Im not proud to say, but I counted calories today…But tomorow is a new day and I  plan to relinguish this control. 

Also, one thing that is really helping me latley is ANIMAL COLLECTIVE!

They’re music is so FREEE AND CRAZY AND WILD!!! And it makes me want to be freeeeeeeeeeee!  It reminds me that I have a soul and that Im a human and I was made to BE HAPPY AND FREE!

Without further Adieu I present to you,,,,ANIMAL COLLECTIVE! Listen and enjoy!

I.AM.IN.LOVE.

…..

Anyways
Im so tired of being confined and constrained to freaking ED.  He’s such a killer and a downer.  I want to dance and be wild and crazy and have Soul Jamboreeees!

And I will!!

I just looooooooooooooove summer foods! All fresh fruit/vegetables all mixed together to make one of the most wonderful salads I have ever had!! AH

ALSO!  I had a MAJOR EPIPHANY last night after my little breakdown!

I was talking to my bfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff who also struggled/struggles with an ED, and we were both real down about life and everything in general.

BUT THEN…

It occured to me!

  I can still be broken and screwed up and struggling, BUT I CAN STILL BE HAPPY!

Happiness is after all what you make of it.  Happiness is a choice! This little HUGE realization has allowed me to BE HAPPY admist my struggle.

And I think that makes all the difference.

I hope all of you lovely ladies/gents are doing wonderful!!  I appreciate all of your support and feedback SOOOOO MUCH!

May you all love others and yourselves unconditionally always and all ways.

❤ Kaity

 

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10 responses to “Epiphanies & Peanut Trees

  1. There is nothing stopping you from being happy apart from yourself. An amazing realization to come to, and I am so glad that you did!
    Be proud of yourself for the things you HAVE overcome, and be HAPPY that you overcame them, girl! Because you really do deserve happiness, even in the hardest and darkest of times.

    You’ll have your days, but you’ll also have your good days too. ED will be there as long as you resist recovery – that is the hard and sad truth of it. But you have the strength and the ability to fight it off and out.

    I believe in you.

  2. horray for having PB – omg how awful must a peanut allergy be. my nephew actually is allergic to them, but since he´s only 2 years old, I really don´t think he cares too much 😉

    have a beautiful day
    xoxo mel

  3. Kaity, I’m so happy you’re not allergic to peanut butter, it is just SO good! Great job on having it at the doc, it must’ve been hard. But u sure showed ED!

    It’s great seeing you’re feeling like at the top of the world, and yes, happiness and freedom are AMAZING!

    Paola ❤

  4. girl you are beautiful, i’m rooting for you! 😀

  5. hi, love–

    just came across your blog. i really like what you wrote about feeling broken but being happy… we all need to find a state of BALANCE and CONTENTMENT and i truly believe it starts with acceptance. we are who we are and we’re in this situation because we we are.

    looking forward to reading more!

  6. I am so glad that you’re not allergic to pb! It’s just to good to be avoided, right? 🙂
    Gosh, I haven’t had none in a few days, I’m going cold turkey on it 😀 I wish I could find some here in Zurich

  7. hi pretty girl! so glad you found my blog, I have been enjoying yours as well 🙂 AND I also love Animal Collective, I guess we have similar taste in music 🙂 I also LOVEEEE that chocolate peanut butter, almost more than anything else in the world.

    realizing that happiness is a choice was basically the greatest factor in me fighting my Ed. It’s all a choice! And as long as you remember that, you can get through ANYTHING.
    keep being beautiful and cute and inspiring and positive! xoxo

  8. I am so proud of you for eating that peanut butter! Congrats for beating ED you’re amazing!!!!

    I also LOVE what you said about happiness being a choice. I have thought about this a lot. Even though I am struggling with ED and these thoughts, I can CHOOSE to be happy and to not be overwhelmed by ED telling you you’re not worth it. Because we are ALL worth it. Don’t ever loose that mindset because it’s amazing! I hope you’re doing well and keep fighting 🙂

  9. Hooray for being able to eat peanut butter! It tastes so good with so many things 🙂
    I’m also so glad to hear that you kicked ed-ass today…that’s really awesome, and having strength like that is really admirable.
    Just remember that recovery is a rollercoaster, and that when you are feeling terribly and horribly down, you will get back up again, because you are you, and you are amazing.
    Oh, and you’re really pretty.
    Happy thoughts girl!! And I’m gonna have to check out Animal Collective some more, because that video rocks 🙂

  10. Hooray for all these beautiful realizations you’ve been making girl! You’re right, PB is too good to avoid :] And I’m so glad that you’re making the choice to be happy now.

    LOVE Animal Collective! Keep going strong x

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