Poet trees & cakes in cups !

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  

I am so ALIVE!!!!!!!!!! :)D!!:!)!:!_)!:)!:)!:!!  

Lovely ladies, I don’t even know where to begin!  Life has been unfolding so fast for me latley as I have let go of calorie counting!!! INTUITIVE EATING IS SOOO FREEING!!  

Come and Join Me In Recovery and Come to Life!!

There is so much life awaiting you !  

Your beautiful soul is just waiting and longing to come to life!!  

Don’t listen to EDDY any more!!! You are so much more than your body  

YOU ARE NOT A BODY! YOU ARE A SOUL! WHAT YOU HAVE IS A BODY!!

If you can’t tell, I am doing so well : )  Operation Restore my Metabolism worked fabulously and I have had so much energy and LIFE latley!!   

Its so great and so freeing to go to work with my wonderful monsters (toddlers) and have enough energy and life to carry them, hold them, run with them, and clean up their messes!  

Last friday I challenged myself.  I gave up my carefully calculated breakfast meals in place for completley free, and completly uncalculated breakfasts.    

I switched over to oatmeal.  

Every morning I challenged myself to have a different creation.  

Free of calculated calories and nutrition  

Free to listen to my mind and my body.  

I AM SO FREE!!  

BEHOLD THEIR BEAUTY!  

    

MmmmMmm so nommy Blueberry peach oats with a pie crust cookie : )

 

Fresh berry oats!

FREAKING FRESH FIGS!

Strawnaner Oats! theese were my favourite!

 

I have also had so ososoososos much ice cream this week!!!  

I don’t know why. But Ice creams one of those foods that I don’t really fear too much.  I mean I do sometimes. But I think I just love it too much to give it up!  

Watermelon & Ice cream! GO TRY IT NOW!!!!! one of the best things ever!!!! I also added chocolate chips and some Kashi Go Lean Crisp!

Ice cream cone mess!!

...I went crazy for toppings but i still wanted a cone. lol

A couple of months ago when I was in the midst of ED, I NEVER allowed myself to have sugar.  I think thats why whenever I eat a dessert or even fruit with a little honey I feel like such an overcomer!! Deserts are afterall my favourite : )  

I Also made WONDERFUL! (almost ) VEGAN cupcakes!!!!!  

…..  

and I had two today  

…  

AND I DIDN’T FREAK OUT OR ALLOW EDDY TO DESTROY MY MIND!!  

  

So Osososo Good  

One last food picture !  

My delicous dinner of tonight!! My mom and I finally made it to the farmers market!! This creation is wonderful bibb lettuce wraps!! with avocado, fontina cheese, little baby orange tomatos, bloobs, and a toasted pita!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!

 Also I managed to talk to a suuuper cute boy while I was there 🙂  Eating well for my body has given me so m uch more confidence! Not even my mom could believe that I managed to talk to a complete stranger boy. Who happened to be attractive!!!  

YES PLEASE ! I couldn't bring myself to buy one though unfortunatley. My baby sunflower has stolen my heart and I cannot betray it

 I Love farmers markets. ! They are so beautiful and natrual and real and lovely.  I wish I could do all of my grocery shopping that way.  I also have dreams of someday selling my own wonderful baked goods at one 😉  

Also!  

A poem found its way into my mind this morning!   

I don’t know if its any good, but I thought I’d post it anyways considering it concerns ED and Recovery.  

So without further adieu (lol sp?), I present you with a poem straight from my mind:  

   

   I didn’t feel beautiful

And I didn’t feel pretty

I didn’t feel attracitve

And I didn’t feel like I was worth anything.

 

The bones upon my back

And up and down my spine

Cry at to my soul

and say “we’re not fine fine fine!”

 

This isn’t human

And this isn’t right.

You’re more than just flesh.

Why must your skin be spread so tight

–Across your bones And across your organs

Across your sternum and over

The bones

That make up your hips

They’re meant to be hidden treasures

Unseen to the eye

You’re not meant to float away,

YOU’RE MEANT TO FLY FLY FLY!!

 

So don’t let Ana, or any other beast

Pile up your bones

As you’ve been laid to sleep.

 

Lol thats it.  I feel sorta silly posting it, but it felt sosoososososoos great to write it down this morning!!

 

 

LOVE

<3Kaity

 

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Monstrous, Gigantic Post on Overcoming Monsters and Giants

Hullo Lovelys!!! Thankyou all soooSOO much for all your comments and encouraging words on last weeks post!! This is prolly going to be a super big, gigantic, monstrous post. Hence the title name. I forshore had some victories this past week!! As well as many obstacles.

AHhhhh a monster i am currently working on 🙂

Latley I have been very scatter brained, so if this post seems to be a little off, please forgive me : )

A Yummy LunCh!!!

And now lets proceed onto my weeks adventures : )

This past Fourth of July weekend has been SOOOSOOO FUN!! Me and my family vacationed on a small little island up North and it was so beautiful!! We stayed at this suuuuper fancy hotel and had 5-course dinners! I felt like a princess. : )

But as always, ED came in and reared its ugly head multiple times.

AND WHAT DID I DO YOU ASK?!?!

So much beauty

 I IGNORED HIM LIKE THE LITTLE LIAR HE IS!!!!

I had sooosoosoo many victories this past weekend : )

A SNACK!!! Why? BECAUSE I HAD HUNGER AND OBEYED IT!!

I ate snacks when I wanted.

Rolling Clouds

And I enjoyed 5 course dinners with the company of my family!!

Apitizer! Some sort of tart

Chilled Sweet Potato Soup!

A strange but wonderful Salad!

AHhhh Gigantic Monster asparagus Ravioli!!! With lentils hiding beneath

DESERT!! Chocolate brownie with a chocolate covered strawberry!!!

Now let me add, that that was all just ONE meal!! Way more than what I would normally eat in one siting!!! But it was alll sooooSOO good and I told ED to shut up and ate it all !! Major guilt followed, but so did many relaxing walks in which I was so distracted and awestruck by the beauty on the island that I forgot all about ED.  I also told myself that this was all a part of “OPERATION RESTORE KAITY’S METABOLISM”. lolol That helped me a lot considering I think I have been undereating the past week prior to our trip.

 

This is where I enjoyed many quiet times with Jesus 🙂

And you know what I noticed!?

AS I ATE MORE FOOD, I HAD MORE ENERGY!!!

I RAN! JUST BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT!! (I never usually feel like running)

I TOOK MANY MORE WALKS BECAUSE MY BODY WANTED MOVEMENT! Not because of nasty ED

I SWAM FOR THE FUN OF IT!

It was such a great realization to me !! : ) I feel like the lights have finally turned on! More food = More Energy!!

When I listen to my body and nourish it accordingly, I find that I am rewarded with enough energy to do everything I want to do!

 
 

Sitting by thee pool : ) A sun burn followed

Cook out lunch!!!

Snow cone!!! a plain snow cone that is : ) artificial flavors make my stomach ache

Swimming makes you hungry!! A snack by the pool 🙂

Wonderful Breakfast!! Oatmeal and LOTS of Fruit!!

 

Stewed Prunes and fresh sliced Naners

One afternoon, the hotel hosted an ice cream social. Lol I LOOOVE ice cream so I joined in on the fun. As I went up to get my ice cream, the server man placed a HUGE scoop into my cup. He then proceeded to ask if I would like another scoop. Enter ED. As ED and I raged within the confines of my head, the man just decided to give me another extra scoop and said "why not? Your already here" And You know what I did? I DIDN'T FREAK OUT! And then I proceeded to put a zillion and a half different toppings on it 🙂 This was prolly one of my favourite parts of the whole trip ❤

LOVE

 Needless to say, That this was a very fun and healing vacation 🙂

But when I returned home yesterday evening, I found ED everywhere I looked.  Everything at my home is so triggering and reminds me so much of the past.  I AM GOING TO GET WELL THOUGH AND I WILL NOT FORGET MY VICTORIES!  I am SSOO determined to get better.  I am sick of ED robbing me of my LIFE and energy and joy !  This morning I weighed myself and was not surprised to find that I gained a pound. My first thought was OMGSSSH I MUST LOSE THIS!  But upon careful reflection I said SCREW ED! Im going to keep this pound 🙂 This is MY POUND and counts towards VICTORY and RECOVERY!! This pound represents life and joy!  and I will not allow ED to rob me of my life any longer!! (with Jesus’ help of course).

And now I will leave you with one last picture

I found this beauty outside of my house. My mom must have forgotten about him! I am currently nourishing him back to life and in return he is going to produce me with a beautiful tomato 🙂

 

: ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )

LOVE

❤ Kaity

Up, Down, Left, Right

The most beautiful sunset I am watching while writing this 🙂

Why oh why can’t I just love my body the way that it is?

Why does one pound turn into one more pound?

Why can’t I just be content with my body the way it is?

Why is happiness promised if I lose one more pound?

Why do I strive for the outward while killing the inward?

WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY

(one of those is more than likley mispelled lol)

My brother always goes on walks with me after dinner. This was todays adventure

This week has been very very up and very very down

One moment I am ready and willing to change the world!!

While the next I am only ready and willing to change my body.

I want to see beyond me and my body!!!!!!

I’d be lieing if I said I had a great week in terms of recovery, BUT I did have many victories!!! Each victory brought a little more of myself back 🙂

Its growing!!!!

I feel like this week has been one of the hardest in awhile though.  I feel so lost.  I mean where am I? What am I doing here? Why can I choose to starve myself while another has no choice and must starve? That question kills me and haunts me and makes me want to get better as fast as I can so I can be used by God in any way possible to help heal the hurting world. 

A DEEELISH Sandwich on Pita bread!!! I believe it was turkey/swiss/jam/apples

Its so hard though because all I want is to get better!!!! But my body and my mind fight me.  I weighed myself on wednesday to see how I was doing with my intuitive eating & I was surprised to see that I lost a whole nother pound. This only fueled ED more and more but my soul was anything but thrilled. 

My first try at overnight oats. Outcome: Ick I didn't like. I had to microwavize them to swallow the rest

I feel like I’ve lost another peice of my soul.

I made my brother homemade pancakes! Slather in Homemade whipped cream! ONE DAY I WILLL EAT THESE TOO

I DO NOT AND WILL NOT RELAPSE!!!

This week I WILL:

  • NOT COUNT CALORIES!!!!!!
  • NOT WEIGH MYSELF OTHER THAN MY ONCE WEEKLY WEIGH IN
  • EAT DESSERT ONCE A DAY!!!!!!!!

I am going to get better because I am more than a conqueror through him who loves me! (Jesus of course : ) )

Mmmmm Fruit has been my best friend latley

 

Sorry everyone if this isn’t the most joyful & uplifting post everrr.  Hopefully next weeks will be more joyful though as I am going to try my absolute hardest to fight ED!! I AM READY!

Oh and P.S. THANKYOU all so much for your beautiful comments and encouraging words!!!! They helped me sooo much 🙂

Nature astounds me latley

<3Kaity

Lights, Nights, & Knights

Hello Lovelys!!

Oh me oh my! it seems as if it has been so long since my last post!!

Thankyou all so much for your wonderful comments!! They helped me A TONN!!!

Mmmm lets seeee. Where do I even start!!! Well, last time I left you, my loves, I was on the road to quitting calorie counting and weighing myself daily and although it has been SOOO HARD and I’ve fallen and listened to anorexiasaurus a couple of times, I am soo happy to say that I have been resisting with the help of Jesus.

And let me just say, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALIIIIIVE!!!

LIFE as evidenced from my doodles during church :):)

There is such a bright beautiful side to life once you come awake from the sleep of anorexia.

I have been conquering food challenges left and right through the help of my Valiant Knight, Jesus!

KEY LIME PIE! (in a throw away plate with a throw away fork at a family picnic)!! It twas soooo goood!

Meal I had at my grad party. YES THAT IS A REAL LIVE HOT DOG!

Cake at my grad party!!! STRAWLBERRY 🙂 my favouuurite

🙂 another piece of cake (I had two pieces of cake in one day 🙂 AND I DIDNT DIE OR GAIN 93875384975 POUNDS OR ANYTHING 🙂 I did however gain more life 🙂

Such a good omlette! Made with 1 egg and a buncha egg whites, and then filled with cheeeeseee everywhere! and pumpkin and spaghetti sauce and other beautiful ingredients 🙂

i ate this when i had absolutley no hunger but needed to eat otherwise i'd be obeying anorexiasaurus and killing myself. SOO I decided to eat High ENERGY and Low bulk. So I ate a fear food! I CONQUERED GRANOLAAAA!!! deelish 🙂 i also had greeky yogurt and a sunbutter&pumpkin&jam tortilla wrap 🙂 Oh all the life i recieved from this 🙂

Kashi heart to heart is such a beautiful cereal <3All the edible hearts remind me that when I eat them I am loving my body and recieiving love to share with all 🙂

DOES ANYONE ELSE LOVE MUSTARD AS MUCH AS I DO?! I COULD EAT THIS STUFF ON EVERYTHING LATLEY!

Mini blueberry lemon muffins 🙂

Oatmeal conconction 🙂 Ive let go of my kashi GLC and have been trying different breakfasts 🙂 Its so freeing 🙂

 AND LOOK WHATS BEEN GROWING AS I HAVE BEEN GROWING!!

I planted a sunflower seed and it has been growing sooo much! It is currently 7.5 Inches tall!!

i made the cup its in 🙂 day oneGaze upon its beauty!

Gaze upon its beauty!

Mmmmm and One more thing!! I just started my first REAL JOB! I work at a day care with the …toddlers…THEY ARE CRAAAAZY! But I LOOVE THEM! Needless to say, I have not had much energy left over to work out latley, soOOOOoo

I HAVE NOT WORKED OUT ALLL WEEK!!!!! AND I FEEL GREAT!!! My soul feels so joyful and jubilant!!  😀

So I guess that is all I have for now

And with that I bid you much adeau ❤

P.S. Tell Me what you guys think!? I am new to “blogging” and everything Soooo I guesss just tell me what you guys would like me to write about or whatever! I would LOOOOOOOVE any and all input 🙂

<3333Kaity

S’more and More Joy

I FEEL SO AH-LIVE

I don’t know the last time I felt this human!!

I have such a joy deep within my spirit

everything is so lovely and so beautiful

And this is why:

I don’t exactly know what happened, but somehow something in me got serious about getting better and fighting

I decided to nix calorie counting

AND

forget the scale.

I relinquished my control & hold on nutrition and weight and calories into the hands of The almighty and Loving God of the universe.

I believe that God has created every human body and that he understands it & what it needs faaaaar beyond what I do.

And its strange, God created bodies to be healthy. When I listen to my body, I sometimes find that I am hungry because I need another snack.  Bodies know what to do if we would just listen to them!

The first step was very verrrry hard, and I will admit that I have fallen and counted calories a weee bit

BUT the vast majority of my eats have been uncounted and  full of mental nutrition!! The best kind!

IT IS SO WORTH IT!!!!

aoie!!!htfn!gtsergtaoidjjt4eoi <Happy fingers 🙂

I have noticed that I have more oppurtunity to love and embrace people when I don’t worry about myself

It is Fantastic ❤

SOooooooo today, my lovely brother decided to have a smore, actually 4 s’mores. lol but as he was making it, I remembered that S’mores USED to be one of my absolutely favourite foods ever. So on a whim I decided to have one as well. I ate it and savoured it with thee biggest smile across my face 🙂

What the picture lacks in quality was made up for in deee-lish-ee-ous-ness

And as I ate it this delicious confection my body was filled with  un-needed empty calories, and my soul was filled with much needed healing calories :)It was magnificent and a HUGE step in getting better


Getting better is worth all the pain and all the stress that comes with it

❤ Kaity

LOVE

I love this video. It makes me feel so ALIVE

Introduction 1.0

“Your fears climb up

Your spine like spiders

How can I show you

You have nothing to fear?”

I am afraid

Why am I so afraid?

I don’t exactly know how to get better

I don’t know how to get well

I know how to eat, but I don’t know how to actually get well. I don’t know how to get anorexia out of my mind.

It seems its stuck.

Why does food=fat in anorexia’s mind?

Why do I listen to anorexia when I know that food=fuel & food=fun.

How do I resurrect my true mind?

How do I resurrect my true self?

Where am I?

I need to find myself & I need to get well.

How do I do this?

The other day I ate a snack. A real, true, food, snack.  I felt so proud and so accomplished & I know it was a major step.  But that was last week.  And this is this week.

This week & cannot get myself to step off the scale. I cannot get myself to realize that I am more than a body. I am a soul WITH a body. My soul is more important than my body.

So why do I let my soul die just to see my body become nothing but bones?

What am I doing?

I will get well.

I will live

and breathe

and be.

I do not want rex any longer.

Sooooo.

Onto the eats:

This was quite a delightful lunch. It consisted of a sunbutter/pumpkin/jelly wrap, a Fage 2% with strawberries (SOOOGOOD), a couple baby carrots, and a mini graham crack + chocolate square 🙂

This was also WONDERFUL! a frozen and then purred banana mixed with cinamon and vanilla extract and topped with coconut, some cherries, and some redi whip 🙂

And one day I would LOVE to have the courage to consume one of these beautiful cupcakes

Thanks weheartit.com! 🙂

<3Kate